"The No Virus Challenge" vs "The No hCG Challenge" Part 1

Lessons from an anonymous Baby Daddy.

Guest Author: Broke Baby Daddy

These “germ believers” keep on making sorry excuses for not doing a simple experiment that would prove the existence of a "virus". 

So how is it that a unique particle like hCG, (which is 50 times smaller than a “COVID virus”), able to be isolated, purified, and shown to satisfy all of Koch's Postulates? 

Look, I'm a high school dropout.  I do COVID19 testing for a living.  I pay child support to 5 different women, and I don't know any of my kids' names.

Whatever.  That's not important.  

So there's this "virus" challenge that I heard about on TwitFace.

Here's what the challenge wants you to do in order to "win". I've dumbed it down to my own high school drop out reading level:

Step 1. Get 5 good snot samples from 4 different people who each have a different "disease".  First dude got lung cancer, 2nd got flu, 3rd got COVID19, 4th got nothing.

Step 2. Find the top 5 medical laboratories in the US.  Send snot samples from each of the 4 people to each of the 5 labs. The labs are blinded to the samples, and must correctly match each snot sample to each "disease".   This is like basic shit.  4 people x 5 samples x 5 labs = 100 results.

Step 3.   Each lab must isolate some virus particles from the snot and take a picture of it.  And then sequence it with a fancy machine.  Each lab reveals the results at the same time at Steve Kirsh's house party live on FOXNEWS, and all rejoice as the world makes fun of the stupid virus denying doctors.

Bonus Round:   Satisfy Koch's postulate by getting another mouse sick with the contagious covid virus particles that you just extracted from the snot.  (Steve Kirsch is paying $200k to the winner.  I've already been in contact with his legal team and the agreement has been drafted).

Now this is where shit starts to get weird.  I just recently discovered that there's an even crazier cohort of "doctors" on the internet claiming that pregnancy tests are bogus because the HCG hormone doesn't exist!  hahahahahahahahahahahah.  I like to refer to these "doctor" as "HCG deniers".  Additionally, this small group of “problematic” doctors are poisoning the well for all the real doctors, which is causing a lot of people to dismiss all the antivaxxers as “crazy”.  I mean, people are suddenly lining up for booster shots again!   

Anyway, all these crazy "HCG Deniers"  want is some proof from other smart doctors that this mysterious HGC hormone is actually for real, not a unicorn.  So they made up a simple challenge.  

The "HCG Deniers" even said that they will pay anyone $200,000 who can actually prove that these bogus pregnancy tests work.  They got the idea from some rich dude on the internet. 

"The No HCG Challenge"

Step 1: Get samples of urine from a pregnant woman, from a NOT pregnant woman, a dude, and some cat piss.  

Step 2: Find the top 5 most reputable home pregnancy testing kit companies.  Each company gets 5 samples each of the 4 types of urine, and each company has to find out which of the urine samples belong to baby mama. 

Step 3: Isolate and Purify the "things" that are inside the urine which is causing the pregnancy tests to indicate "pregnant".  Take a picture.  

Bonus Round:  Satisfy Koch's postulate by injecting the HCG particles you isolated into a mouse or something.  Repeat that experiment a bunch of times and have some control mice too. 

I really needed this money to pay all that child support I'm behind on, so I pretended to be a real doctor, like Dr Porno Wang, and I took out a payday loan to buy 100 freaking pregnancy tests, and I then did everything the "HCG deniers" asked me to do on their stupid list!   I'm also gonna have to pay child support for one more kid.  Whatever.  I believed I was about to get $200K, totally worth it right?   

So did I win “The No hCG Challenge”? Stay tuned for part 2.